My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
