Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
