got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
