and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
