I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
