I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
