Nicole vs. Life
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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