thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You made out with two different species that night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're hate flirting, damnit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
