I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
