apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
