So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
