You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
