Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
