It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did I show you my penis last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
