she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
