Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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