I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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