I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
