apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
