I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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