Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
