Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
