It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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