Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
