I am puke
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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