i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
