I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
