You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
