You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
