halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
