Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
