it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
