Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
is it fun? or sober?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
