You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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