So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just pee around me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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