I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
