Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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