Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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