Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
