Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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