She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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