No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
