honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
