So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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