i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
