can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
