ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ass is underappreciated
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
