your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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