Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
