I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
