I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
