I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
please don't ironically join a cult
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