I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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