Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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