I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
