thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
