I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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