fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
