There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
