After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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