The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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