She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
