I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
