Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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