pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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