im six kinds of drunk right now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
